Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Girl Scout Bartender

It's April! I have finished grading papers! And it's Thursday, which means I've got a weekend ahead... I might even be able to get back to my readings. But for now, in order to unwind, I will amuse myself and you with a drinking guide. It's been a while since I was grossly politically incorrect and offensive, so I figure now is as good a time as ever to don my evil cap and feed you some excellent yet trivial information.

We all love Girl Scout cookies and Girl Scout cookie time. I know you still have a cupboard and perhaps a freezer filled with a stash of your favorite boxes. But you are a sophisticated lady or gentleman and cannot imagine having a desert, snack, meal without a martini to bring out the flavor of the food. Besides, you look good holding one of those gorgeously shaped glasses. Just like a doctorate degree in English Literature or philosophy, a martini is a purely aesthetic invention. Sure, it goes down smoothly and makes you feel good, but unlike other cocktails it's not meant to stupefy you. In fact, getting hammered on martinis is a faux pas, social suicide. It is, as E. B. White famously proclaimed, "an elixir of quietude." So here is a practical guide to pairing martinis with your favorite Girl Scout cookies.

To make these wonderful concoctions you will require special equipment: a martini shaker and a martini glass. You will also need plenty of ice because a warm martini is like a slow Ferrari: it's just not designed that way! Make sure you garnish your martini: the better it looks, the better it tastes.

Thin Mints: Peppermint Martini
In the summer I would definitely eat my Thin Mints with a Mojito; however, it's not hot enough to drink Mojitos and, of course, you don't drink those out of martini glasses, so I opted for a more wintery treat. Besides, even if you had Thin Mints stashed away, your supply is probably dwindling at this time.
  • 2 1/2 part vodka
  • 1 part white creme de menthe
  • 1/2 part peppermint schnapps
  • Garnish with mint leaves or a peppermint stick
Samoas: Coconut Pineapple Martini
It's like a tropical breeze on a sandy beach! Palm trees are swaying as you sip this divine drink.
  • 1 part coconut rum
  • 1 part pineapple juice
  • Splash of amaretto
  • Garnish with a pineapple wedge, maraschino cherry, or an umbrella
Lemon Chalet Creme: Lemondrop Martini 
Lemon cookies naturally go with lemon drinks. This one is a classic!
  • 1 1/2 part vodka citron
  • 3/4 part fresh lemon juice
  • Splash or two of simple syrup
  • Garnish with sugar on the rim and a lemon twist
Do-Si-Dos: Nutty Martini
Peanut butter sandwich cookies must be complemented with a hazelnut tasting drink.
  • 2 parts vodka
  • 1 part Frangelico
  • Garnish with a lemon twist
Thank U Berry Munch: Cosmopolitan 
Dried cranberries and white chocolate in these divine cookies is well complemented with a tart Cosmopolitan.
  • 2 parts cranberry vodka
  • 1/2 part Cointreau
  • 1/2 part fresh lime juice
  • Splash or two of cranberry juice
  • Garnish with an orange twist
Trefoils: French Martini
The French cannot survive without butter. So naturally the French Martini goes beautifully with this simple yet satisfying butter cookie.
  • 2 parts vanilla vodka
  • 1 part pineapple juice
  • 1/4 part Chambord raspberry liquor 
  • Garnish with an orange twist

Dulce de Leche: Caramel Apple Martini
This one is a twist on my favorite martini: the infamous appletini. Add a bit of butterscotch schnapps and "Voila!" you have yourself a caramel apple tasting treat! Adds a perfect tang to this sweet cookie.

2 parts vodka
1 part Apple Pucker
1 part butterscotch schnapps
Garnish with a thin slice of Granny Smith

Tagalongs: Hard Hat
Chocolate, meet peanut butter... and amaretto and Jack. Great for dipping!
  • 1 part Jack Daniels
  • 1 part amaretto
  • 1 part sweet vermouth
  • Garnish with a maraschino cherry
I strongly recommend trying all of these elegant drinks, just not all at once :) Cheers!